PINs, Passwords and Pandemonium

These days we are all in PIN, password, and user ID overload. It seems we need one or all of these for everything we do - banking, credit cards, air travel, shopping, etc. It is recommended you use the same ID and password for all your personal transactions, but it is almost impossible. Some require characters, uppercase, lowercase, combined with numbers, symbols, and cryptograms. It can get quite confusing and bewildering.
To me the best, however, is the “secret question” or sometimes, “my favorite things”. It used to be something as simple as your mother’s maiden name or the city where you were born. This system was set up as an added security, but I believe it is just a way to torture the consumer even further. It became evident as the questions started getting more difficult and very broad, such as your “high school mascot” and “your favorite food” (no, Jeb, you cannot use the same answer for both questions!).
My cousin was recently trying to get her credit in order, dealing with someone named “Bob” with a distinct foreign accent. From the very start she had problems because “Bob” would not let her access her credit information. She could not remember her “favorite food”, which she selected years ago when she set up the account. She named several possibilities, from various food groups, but came up empty. She said for all she knew at the time, all those years ago, she could have been eating a banana. Maybe she needs to try word association – credit report equals tandoori chicken. No offense, “Bob”!
One day at lunch a coworker shared her recent calamity with her bank. She was trying to do some banking on the phone, but was having trouble because her husband had set up the account. The customer service rep (“Bob”?) insisted she reveal her husband’s “favorite color”. After naming every color in the rainbow and being rejected, she finally called her husband on another line to ask him for assistance. Well, thank God this was not an INS interview because someone would have surely been deported!
This new system was ever so apparent to me when I had to choose my “high school mascot”. Since I went to Catholic school all my life, I do not recall having a mascot. I selected the first thing that came to my mind, not thinking I would ever be faced with that question. Well, it was a very frustrating day when I needed immediate access to my account and could not for the life of me come up with the word FERRET! Note to self: Just because it sounds funny does mean you will remember it - WRITE IT DOWN!
Uffa!

Drop, Roll and Shop

We have now entered my least favorite time of year and I only say that because it requires participation in one of my least favorite American past time, SHOPPING! I hate the whole process; driving to the indoor mall, jockeying for a parking space, hunting for the perfect gift for that imperfect someone, dodging impatient crowds, nasty, uninformed salespeople and always standing in the wrong line (save that for another rant!). It is regretful because I have always loved Christmas, but it has become quite barbaric, as we have seen this past Black Friday.
I am sure you read or heard on the news about the poor security guard that was trampled to death just inside a Wal-Mart. It seems the crowd could not wait for the doors to open during the designated hour. What were they giving away? A deed to a house? The keys to a new car? I read there was a woman in the crowd who was eight months pregnant. What was she thinking? Not about herself or her unborn child obviously, but about the five dollars savings on that DVD player.
Nothing would get me out of bed at 4am to stand in front of a store with a crowd of people who could potentially murder me for the chance to get through the doors first and get their hands on the latest Elmo doll. Is there really that much of a savings on Black Friday that you cannot get on other days during the holiday season? I do not believe it.
My friends laughed at me because I would not venture into a mall on the Sunday after Black Friday to see a movie; I called it Black Weekend. I think from now until after Christmas the sales will be just as plentiful, the malls will be just as crazy and people will be even more uncivilized. Funny how this shopping season coincides with hunting season each year. It seems to me there are many similarities.
Uffa!

Why so Horny?

The other night on my way to water aerobics I stopped off for some things; one of them milk (only half gallon!). It is a very busy parking lot; my car was snuggled between two massive SUVs. As I eased my little mid-size out some old geezer sat on his horn as he zoomed behind me, almost taking off my already jacked up rear end. Now I know the reflexes get a little slow as you age, but do the common courtesies have to go too? The car behind him stopped and let me out. Thank you kind stranger!
Then again, today, I was getting on a parkway with three merges; two, including mine, had a Yield sign. After I obeyed my yield, this nut job, with the other Yield (he ignored it), comes riding up my bumper with his horn blaring like it was mating season in the auto world. What is wrong with people? What is all this aggression? Horns were created to avoid accidents; not to let people know you are in the world.
As I exited the parking lot the other night, I followed the old dude out; we were heading in the same direction. He slowed down to make a left turn and I eased past on his right. I couldn’t resist giving him a loud blast of my horn as I went by, letting him know I knew he was in the world.
Uffa!

Blow Me!!!

Today I am working from home and it is finally a beautiful Fall day; windows are ajar, a nice Fall breeze is coming in and the leaves are blowing around. Unfortunately it was very short lived as I just had to shut all the windows because of the disruptive sound of the dreaded leaf blower. Not only am I cringing from the sound, but I am choking from the smell emanating out of it. I have to believe this is one of the worst inventions since the spray on hair in a can or the singing fish mounted on a board!I was up in Maine two weekends ago trying to relax at my cousin's house and her neighbor took out his blower every time a leaf dropped on his pavement or lawn. My quiet weekend turned into a stress filled event marred with intermittent blasts from his blower. Does something happen to a man when he straps that thing on? Each morning when I drive to work, I cut through the suburbs to avoid the traffic of the highways. Lately I am encountering every form of man along the way, with one of those contraptions strapped on their backs. They travel in pairs and seem to think that having one of "those" gives them certain liberties. My morning drive has become quite hazardous, a virtual obstacle course. They dart out into the road, toss around leaves and rocks onto my car and basically cause traffic (which I was avoiding in the first place). Have we become so lazy that we can't rake the leaves anymore; we have to blow them into place? Fall is usually my favorite time of year; the crisp, cool temps and the changing leaves. But I must say I can't wait for these he-men to put their leaf blowers away for the season. Unfortunately, I am sure these same neanderthals are just waiting for the first flake to fall so they can bring out the SNOW blower!Uffa!

Is it your RIGHT?

I am a commuter and each day I drive approximately 50 miles to work round trip. I am faced with an array of morons, yahoos and just plain idiots on the roads and highways of the eastern seaboard. This morning it occurred to me that one of the worst laws that was ever passed was the right on red law or RTOR. It absolutely irritates me when I am in the right lane, approaching a green light and some clueless, moron comes darting into my lane because the law permits him to turn right on red. Do they not know the official law is " Right turn on red (RTOR) is a principle of law permitting vehicles at a traffic light showing a red signal to turn right (almost always after a complete stop) when the way is clear"? These selfish idiots feel it is their RIGHT to come speeding into my right of way. Oh, and I just love when I am sitting at a red light, waiting to make a right turn and the sign says ""No Right On Red" and the impatient fool behind me is sitting on his honker. Hold on there, cowboy!!! We all have rights and this is not yours!Uffa!

Got Milk?

I stopped on my way home from work to pick up some milk. Now being single I usually do not buy a whole gallon, but I figured with the weekend coming and the extended expiration date, what the heck!
This market I go to encourages its patrons to bring their own bags, but I forgot mine in the car. Without boring you with too many details, it was quite a spectacle in my garage - computer bag, duffle bag, purse and two flimsy paper shopping bags with paper handles all hanging from various body parts. Needless to say, something just HAD to fall off of me and of course it was the bag with the milk - SPLAT!
First I thought just the top had opened, but NO, a huge crack down the side had emerged. I thought I could carry it up the three flights of stairs and make it up the elevator to my 5th floor apartment. Upon arrival I think it would have been a pint of milk and all the cats in the building would have formed a conga line to my apartment. I decided to toss the sorry gallon in the trash can in the garage.
Lessons learned - Stick to the half gallon, remember the canvas shopping bags next time and yes, it is OK to cry over spilt milk. Uffa!

Pool Protocol

I turned over a new leaf this Fall, joined a water aerobics class. Great timing, as the temps get nice and frigid. Last night I hauled myself out into the arctic air and discovered that class had been canceled. Apparently the instructor had "something to do" and canceled the class. I missed the last two classes because of a business trip so I wouldn't have heard the announcement. However, I recall on the first night of class, filling out a sheet with my name, phone number and e-mail address. Why did I do that? What purpose does this serve? Will she start forwarding me e-mail jokes and store coupons? What did it take for her to send out a reminder to everyone? We are all busy these days and a kind reminder would have been appreciated.Have people forgotten how to be courteous? If I had her e-mail address I would send her a message and remind her how! Uffa!

Gifts! And I Keep On Giving!

Today I received an e-mail from our PA office. Someone there is taking up a collection for a housewarming gift for someone in our CO office. Are you serious? This is a new one for me! Housewarming gift? And in another office? What do I get out of this? No cocktail! No pigs in the blanket! It made me start thinking about all the bridal shower gifts, all the baby gifts, wedding gifts I have doled out throughout the years. I am 45, single and there are no pitter pattering of feet running around my studio apartment! Ya, know, I could use some nice china or a lime green Kitchenaid mixer! For my 50th birthday I have decided to throw myself a big bash and register at Pottery Barn, William Sonoma and Taboo Toys! It is about time I start collecting what is due to me.That housewarming gift? I think I will pass! I just changed cubicles in the office - maybe someone should send me a gift! Uffa!